Archive for April 4th, 2009


Recession bloggers, no book deal for you

I was flicking through a copy of U magazine (dated March 16) that was lying around the house when I happened upon an interesting item on the last page, entitled “U get on my goat”. Basically it’s a list of things that annoyed some U writer during the week, and number one on the list is a good one: Recession Bloggers.

Now I realise us recession bloggers would be best served by ignoring this. After all, it’s U. Their cover story in the same issue is about newsreaders who are gorgeous (even though they apparently don’t have to be). This is not a world that reasonably intelligent people should have to concern themselves with. However, I found myself annoyed, and the more I thought about it the more annoyed I got. I think what got to me was the explanation for the entry

Your desperate hopes that your blog will be discovered and you’ll get paid millions for a book deal are very transparent.

I know this betrays a massive ego on my part, but as I’ve mentioned on several occasions here that I’m a writer by profession I couldn’t help but feel this was a comment made with me in mind. For what it’s worth, my reason for maintaining this blog is nothing other than for the sake of doing it. But this aside, I found the entry a bit self-important, especially considering the other things that got on U’s goat.

2. Buying fancy (and expensive) new shampoo and only realising you’re allergic to it after using it all week.

No recession ‘round here.

4. Owing a Labrador now that Marley and Me is out. You didn’t believe the crazy dog stories before but now that the movie is out you think you know all about it.

Well excuse me! When choosing a dog, one should of course consider that an American journalist might someday write a memoir based on his ownership of that same breed, which will then be adapted into a very successful yet highly schmalsy film, leading to an increased interest in these dog which in turn will lead celebrity lifestyle magazines to declare owning them to be soooo last century. What were we thinking? As the proud owner of a Lab, whose antics have on occasional been mentioned here, this further enforced the notion that I inspired this article.

6. Nearly fainting in yoga. All the bendy, ‘we go four times a week people’ (sic) are staring and judging.

Now this I can empathise with. It isn’t pleasant being judged by smug, uppity pricks.

If you’re going to launch of sweeping critique on any group of people, you should probably ask yourself if you really have the Dylan Moran/Charlie Brooker style of wit to carry it through. Because if you go on to moan about shampoo and yoga and mineral make-up that spills in your bag and ruins the lining (which is a little indicative of the kind of attitude that largely caused this recession to begin with) then you’ll probably end up looking like haughty, self-satisfied gits with more money than sense. The last entry in this article might as well have been “Picky proles who won’t eat their cake”. I realise I’m making a big deal of what is a fluff piece that’s only there to fill a page, but bad writing is bad writing, and particularly galling when criticising others for theirs.

PS, I was going to title this post “Fuck U, too”, but couldn’t bring myself to do it.