Archive for January 14th, 2009


My cover letter to Cardinal Seán Brady

Dear Cardinal Brady,

I’m writing to you to apply for the position of Bishop of Cloyne, as advertised by most reasonably intelligent people over the last couple of months.

I have been listening carefully to the qualities you regard as suitable for the role, and I’ve come to realise I just might be the best man for the job. I am a dependable team player, I have an amicable personality that will charm the socks off parishioners, and I know how to keep a secret or two.

Now I am a lay-person, and as such you might think my opinion doesn’t matter, but bear with me and you just might learn something. As you will note from my attached CV, I have spent many years in a Catholic institution (Carriglea NS). While in this institution I learned that the Church’s word is gospel. Therefore, should any priest feel the need to tell me anything saucy, I know that his position goes above that of the law, the gardaí, or the “victim”.

As for my credentials, I note that “to keep safeguarding [children] at the top of the list of priorities” is a quality you deem necessary for the role. If a bishop who knew in 1995 that particular priest may be a serial rapist and didn’t inform the authorities until a decade later can be credited with keeping the safeguarding of children at the top of the list of priorities, and also be credited with publishing a report into the affair after spending six month threatening legal action to prevent its publication, then I can be credited with being a proper member of the clergy, being a committed celibate, and giving a flying fuck about the Catholic Church.

Now I’m fully aware that you feel the position isn’t vacant and that Bishop Magee is best suited to the role. It seems you consider his mistakes to speak in his favour. “I think he has learned a very painful lesson and I think that he will do everything in his power to make sure that this terrible thing does not happen again in his diocese,” you said. It seems to me that his most painful “lesson” was getting caught. Still, how can I – or any right-minded person – hope to have had so many lessons.

But I ask you to remember how hysterical the public get over little matters like priests being knowingly allowed to rape children. Remember the damage this has done to the Catholic Church in this country over the last decade (or at least the damage it would have done if the Government didn’t know what side its bread is buttered on). Now try to imagine the damage that will be done if this position doesn’t become vacant soon. Do you really think there’s any coming back from that?

I have attached references that vouch for me as dependable, and when I say dependable I mean it in as far as those who brought complaints against priests to Bishop Magee found him to be “dependable”.

Yours faithfully (you know what faithful means, right?)

The Unemployed Blog.